"He has chosen...............poorly......."

For Trevor and Kolby:

I used to joke with my best friends, Mike and Kathy (husband and wife), that the way in which i would wake up my sons each morning would be to go into their bedroom, kick the bed, and yell, in my best "drill sergeant" voice, "GET UP!!!!   LIFE'S NOT FAIR!!!  GET UP AND DEAL WITH IT!!".

In all honesty, that's really not far from the truth.   If there is anything of any substance that i've tried to impart to my kids, it's the fact that life is not necessarily "fair", other than, from the perspective of entropy.   But more on that later, maybe.

I think the most important point i've tried to convey to my sons is that life is a series of choices.  Some are seemingly insignificant and minor, others will carry more weight and value.   You will not always know which falls into which  category and the indicators which throw things in one direciton or the other are fickle.  They will mean one thing in one moment with one set of circumstances, and mean something quite different in another.   Nonetheless, your task in life, every moment of every day, is to make choices.   What i've tried to impart to them is that there is benefit to treating every choice, every fork in the road, every set of options, as though it's the most important choice you will ever make, no matter how overtly innocuous it may seem in the moment.   Treat it like it's life and death.   Treat it like it matters.   Avoid basing your choices on that which will provide you the most cognitive, emotional, or material comfort in the moment, as that may not be in your best interests in the long term.   The idea of immediate gratfication is something to be fought against, for the most part.  There will be plenty of opportunities to "feel good" in the moment, but don't be driven by seeking that out.   Truth of the matter is, on balance, life is hard, life feels UNfair, it can be exhausting, challenging, lonely, and frustrating.  It has it's moments of clarity, of joy, of fulfillment, and of safety.   But, if you're living your life as a process of experiencing as much as you possibly can, and you desire that more than you desire your own immediate comfort, then the challenges and the difficulties will be there for you to take on at every turn.

Another component that i've tried to convey to my boys is that there is no inherent "reward" in life.   There is no prize at the end of the task.  There is no compulsory payment for time served and no recognition warranted just because you "showed up".   More importantly, perhaps MOST importantly, there is no ethereal reward waiting for you after your body reaches room temperature.  Just because you conscientiously make the most arduous, difficult, taxing  choice in every effort you make in life, entitles you to nothing.   You could live your life in a manner of sacrifice for your fellow man at every turn.  You can give up all that you have for the sake of someone else, and it still entitles you to nothing at all.  Nothing.    If, however, you are capable of feeling a sense of satisfaction and worth by doing for others more than you can feel than by doing something that only benefits you, then you are ahead of the game by more than you can imagine.  If, on balance, you feel more whole by doing for others than you do by pursuing your own comfort, then your value as a member of this species, is elevated. 

But that still entitles you to nothing.

So what's to motivate you day to day?  If there is no golden prize at the end of the rainbow, if there is no one waiting in the shadows to pat you on the back and tell you what a good job you've done? 

It IS the fact that you have ONE shot at this which ought to motivate you.  It IS the fact that this is a one way, finite trip, that should compel you to make the most of those choices and treat them all as though they could have fantastic impact upon your life and the lives of others.   These are much more salient and sincere motivators than to imagine that there is some "eternity" which you'll be cognizant of and which the content and quality of will be based upon your actions between birth and death.   Deal with life on life's terms.  Deal with the reality in front of you and tear the fuck out of every opportunity which you have.   Run with it, feel it, experience each episode to the fullest as it comes and goes.  Know that the moment that just passed cannot be repeated or retrieved.   Know that more are to come and you can choose how to play a part in it.  Treat every breath as it's your last and feel everything you can as though you will never feel it again.

I hope they've been listening.