You Damn Dirty Apes.......................

Seems to me that being an "adult" ought not be quantified or qualified simply by reaching some milestone of time while maintaining a pulse and some level of brain activity.   There should be some significant behaviors associated with all the rights and privileges which come along with the title of "Grown up".   We would certainly not be inclined to take seriously anyone claiming to be a "responsible adult" who runs meetings as the CEO of their company while sucking on a pacifier.   We wouldn't think twice about discounting the opinion of or contribution to an essential adult task performed by a middle aged man or woman who insists upon carrying their favorite stuffed animal with them into every action of daily life, and falls into conniptions and fits of hysteria when they are denied access to their "toy".

This same sort of dissonance would also fall equally to people who were ostensibly in the position of being "an adult" who might be going around talking to their invisible mentor, friend, or "keeper" in order to feel confident in making decisions which will have a vast and profound impact upon the lives of their fellow human beings.

However, we, somehow don't give a second thought to the millions and billions of people worldwide who engage in these very SAME behaviors under the guise of their pseudo-legitimate "religious" beliefs.   In fact, in many places, particularly in the good ole US of A, we actually REQUIRE that people adhere to the delusion that their invisible mentor exists, demands daily communication, and, in many cases, provides tactile and auditory feedback and consultation to it's minions.

If i were to be walking down a public street right now, spontaneously fall to my knees, raise my hands to the sky, and proclaim "DEAR GOD, I SEEK YOUR WISDOM AND GUIDANCE, I AM BUT YOUR SERVANT!!!!  SHOW ME THE WAY!!!!   ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO WHAT I AM TO DO NEXT!!!!", I might raise a couple of eyebrows, but, for the most part, people will just pass by paying little mind to my plaintive wails.   Hell, depending on the geographic area where you might employ this exercise, someone might actually join me in my petition.

However, at that same location at another time, if i were to fall to my knees, raise my hands to the sky and exclaim "DEAR COSMIC DILDO!!!!  I SEEK YOUR WISDOM FROM BEYOND THE GREAT COSMIC TOYBOX!!!   ENLIGHTEN ME AS TO THE LANGUAGE SPOKEN BY THE GREAT GIBBON IN THE EAST!!!", I would likely be arrested, and committed for psychiatric evaluation.  Perhaps not the first or second time i engaged in this, but certainly soon thereafter.    Unlike the first example, which someone could engage in DAILY, and never be so much as "questioned" as to their sanity.

As time moves forward and we KNOW more about who and what we are, our place in the universe, and the origins of all the things which we can know the origins of, the more arcane and useless becomes the information we relied upon which was formulated by persons who had a fraction of the knowledge and resources we have today.    Consequently, the legitimacy we intentionally lend to the myths, practices, beliefs, and fantasies which we once had little choice but to rely upon as fact, should diminish in short order until such time as they are relegated to story books with little more value than that which might fuel the next blockbuster scifi movie.

So i propose the following to help expedite the evolution of our otherwise doomed species.

If you are going to continue to act like children who lend credibility to the practice of mumbling to yourself in beseeching your invisible friend in the sky, and you make this a routine and essential part of your existence, from this day forward, and so long as you cling to such, you should have all "adult privileges" summarily stripped from you until such time as you can start acting like an actual fucking grown up.   So.....In short, you get:

No more guns
No more driver's license

No more jobs
No more rights
No more privileges than those which would be afforded a ten year old child.

When you get your shit together, you can come out of your room and have dinner at the big boy table.   Until then, keep sucking your pacifier and remain silent until such time as an adult addresses you.  

You're welcome.